


The Way We Live

by Unusual_Table



Series: Tales from Daegu [2]
Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Dance, Alternate Universe - Theatre, Aromantic Character, Asexual Character, Friendship/Love, Hemophilia, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Abuse, Implied/Referenced Drug Addiction, M/M, Queerplatonic Relationships, Touch Aversion
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-11
Updated: 2021-02-28
Packaged: 2021-03-08 03:00:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,589
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26958484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unusual_Table/pseuds/Unusual_Table
Summary: Snapshots of the life of Kim Junmyeon and Zhang Yixing as they explore what it means for them to live a life together. Sequel to "Ghost Light."
Relationships: Kim Junmyeon | Suho/Zhang Yi Xing | Lay
Series: Tales from Daegu [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1780684
Comments: 6
Kudos: 22





	1. Memories - Inspiration

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! For new readers, know that this is a sequel/companion piece to my other story "Ghost Light" (previous story in this series). For returning readers, welcome back! As usual, I have no self control and am posting another fic. This is meant to be mainly drabbles/one-shots of Yixing's POV during Ghost Light and of what happens to the two of them after the events of that story. I hope you enjoy it!

_ Winter _ . Zhang Yixing didn’t necessarily hate winter. The season was always filled with pretty lights and celebrations of all types. He just hated the  _ cold _ especially at night when it was coldest. And cold is exactly what he felt when reaching over to turn off his blaring alarm clock. Five in the morning. December.  _ Cold _ . 

His apartment really had been a good deal. It was cheap enough and in close driving distance to the Daegu Arts Center where he rehearsed and most often performed. It was on the top floor and got lots of sunlight which meant he could have more types of plants in his home than the average urban resident. He also shared the floor with Do Kyungsoo, a quiet man who had a certain neighborly charm that reminded him of the apartment complex he grew up in. But it was rather poorly insulated, in his opinion, and after his first winter pushing the heat as far as it could go, his utilities bill shot up so high it actually put him in a worrying financial pinch. So he bought himself a weighted heated blanket and wrapped himself up tight on winter nights while the temperature in his apartment plummeted. 

Resisting the urge to fall back asleep, Yixing turned on his bedside lamp and pulled his blanket with him to the temperature control panel on the wall. It would start warming up now, enough so that by the time he finished eating breakfast he could take a shower without making himself sick. 

He sighed under the hot shower spray, easing the morning faint aches in his joints, overly conscious about the twinge in his waist. It’s nowhere near as bad as it used to be but the pain had been there so long, it was difficult for him to determine how much pain would be alarming to the average person. Luckily, the only person he needed to convince at the end of the day was his physical therapist… and then his doctor, and then later the physician team for the dance company who signed away his fate in the first place.

It was his hemophilia, repeated bleeding and swelling into the joints around the right side of his waist in particular over a lifetime of dancing. He didn’t know it would get so bad that he’d need to get surgery for it, but after collapsing when doing simple routines it became easy for all to see. He was no longer fit to be a principal dancer. He wasn’t fit to dance at all. And just like that, the thing he loved most in life was gone. But it was useless to dwell on how he got here. Yixing knew he would someday dance again even if it’s the last thing he’d ever do.

He pulled his work uniform out of the closet, eyes no longer taking time to linger on his box of dance shoes that he’d put the lid on for his own sanity. He laid it on his bed, covering it in his heated blanket before heading back to the kitchen. Today was one of his injection days. 

The good thing about his mail route was that it took him both far from the center of Daegu but close to the actual distribution center by the regional airpot. It was nice out here, quaint, and he had a bit of a fanclub of older ladies who always told him how handsome he was. Today was no different. 

“I can’t wait for the spring when I can finally see that handsome face of yours again, young man,” Yoonhee said when she answered the door. Yixing smiled apologetically beneath the scarf that covered the lower half of his face. Yoonhee wasn’t always home when he came by but when she was he always made sure to give her a moment or two to chat. “How are you doing today?” she asked. 

“Good afternoon, ma’am. I’m doing well. Just trying to stay warm.”

“It’s not even that cold! Poor thing. Don’t go getting sick now.”

“I’ll be careful. Enjoy the rest of your day!” 

Chanyeol had been the closest to genuinely upset he’d ever seen him when he’d expressed interest in getting a job that had notable physical demands, but he’d seen Yixing through his worst days and went out of his way to connect him with a local manager at the post office. Chanyeol admitted that he figured this was better than the warehouse jobs Yixing had initially been looking at. It kept him moving, bending, and walking. With any luck, this time next year he’d be dancing again in some capacity. 

Soon after leaving Yoonhee, he was nearing the end of his route, veering off even further into the narrower roads that made it seem like he was far away from any semblance of a major city. Up here was a house that hadn’t been on his route to start off with but got added towards the end of the summer. He’d mentioned it to Yoonhee at the time, the kind woman’s face immediately darkening. 

“ _ So it’s true, _ ” she had mused out loud. “ _ Be careful around that house. The man who lives there isn’t right in the head. _ ”

Whoever the man was, Yixing presumed he was at least married and Yoonhee was exaggerating. Most of the odds and ends that he’d delivered there were for a “Kim Yongha” and a “Choi Taeryeon.” However today he had a package, one that needed to be signed for as his manager had told him early that morning. It wasn’t until he had pulled up to the house that he realized it was addressed to someone named Junmyeon.

He gathered the box and the typical catalogues and advertisements he usually brought there, wincing as he did so. During his lunch break he’d stubbornly denied himself pain medication, the minute twinge in his waist from that morning now starting to impede a bit more than he’d like.

Yixing rang the doorbell once, waited a bit, then tried ringing it again. As usual, the house was still in the afternoon sunlight.

“Hello!” he called out. “Mr. Kim Junmyeon? There’s a package you need to sign for!”

The longer he waited, the more he thought of Yoonhee’s words. Worst case scenario, whoever this man was would just ignore him and after two more attempts it would be up for Junmyeon to come to the distribution center himself. He was just about to leave, twisting his body a bit to get the failed delivery notice out of his pocket when he noticed the curtain in the nearest window move, the face of a man now a bit visible from behind it. Yixing tried to wave at him, but aborted the attempt when the package almost managed to slip from his grasp.

“Can you open the door?” he shouted a bit louder. 

The curtain fell back into place. He should be happy about it but for some reason it made him nervous, his imagination getting the best of him. But then he felt it, the wetness in his nose.

He immediately took one of his hands and shoved it against the face but the blood coming from his nose started slipping past it when his hand jerked a bit as a result of him trying to keep his other hand holding the box. Just as he was about to make a mess of everything, the door opened and the package went tumbling towards the man who must be Kim Junmyeon. He quickly brought his hand back up to his nose but from the look on Junmyeon’s face he’d already seen his predicament. Luckily with the day’s injection, his nosebleed wouldn’t be as hard to stop. He had a special nasal spray for this purpose in one of his pockets and tissues back in the truck. He’d probably also have to fill out an incident report back at the center if his blood got on any of the mail. Not a big deal but it didn’t make him any less mortified about the situation.

“Oh my goodness! I’m so sorry Mr. Kim Junmyeon! This always happens to me in the winter. I have tissues in the truck! I was-”

“Come inside.”

At first Yixing thought he had misheard and couldn’t readily tell from the man’s facial expression if he had or not. But soon enough Junmyeon really did step aside and Yixing thought about Yoonhee’s warning once again. 

He didn’t know what he was expecting, really. This house always had grass that was overgrown, the nearby vegetation infringing on the property boundary in a way that almost made it look abandoned. Because of that maybe he was expecting inside to be dark and dusty with a cobweb or two. But once the man rushed away from him, Yixing started fumbling for his spray and his eyes wandered around the warm and festive decor, colorful even beyond the palette of the holiday season. The walls of the hallway were a seafoam green, a carpet in the distance a burnt orange, and the kitchen that Junmyeon was returning from strangely accented with yellow fixtures. 

Junmyeon returned after Yixing managed to put his medicine away and pressed a wad of tissues into his hand, holding a damp dish towel in the other.

“Thank you, Mr. Kim Junmyeon,” he said, pausing as a result of his fast acting guilt. It wasn’t like him to be so presumptuous of a person he’d never met or a place he’d never been. “You are very kind and have a very beautiful home.” He was about to compliment the man on how warm his home was too but stopped himself.

“It’s no problem,” Junmyeon said a bit rigidly, moving his hands to rub at his neck like he were a bit nervous, maybe even afraid. Junmyeon didn’t say a word for the rest of the time Yixing stood there. It made him feel even worse about imposing as he already was. People in this neighborhood really were too kind. Eventually he put his mind back on the job, getting Junmyeon to sign for the package. Perhaps Junmyeon would become another friendly face on his route. Yoonhee surely wasn’t paying this man any visits. He wondered how many others in the surrounding homes had the same opinion of him. 

“I will need to repay you sometime for helping me, Mr. Kim Junmyeon. Until then, have a nice day!” 

He quickly headed back to his truck, glancing back at the house once he was seated back inside. That night Chanyeol joked that maybe Junmyeon was a cannibal and used his kind face and warm home to luer in unsuspecting postal workers. But on his next shift he caught Yoonhee again, asking her if it really had been Junmyeon she had been referring to those months ago. She looked a bit hesitant at first to answer his question but eventually relented.

  
“Well you seem like a sensible man. It might not be polite of me to say but anyone who has lived around here long enough knows.” She looked around her, lowering her voice. “That  _ Kim Junmyeon _ is a strange one. He’s a homosexual. And you can be certain that no one on this road trusts him.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OTHER STORIES BY UNUSUAL_TABLE
> 
> [Ghost Light](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24366250/chapters/58764295): After Junmyeon’s life falls apart, he retreats to his family’s small home near Daegu. Sequestered in his little house on the hill, he soon finds himself acquainted with an odd mailman named Zhang Yixing. [THEATRE!AU - SULAY]
> 
> [With Love, From Seoul](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23371987/chapters/55999948): Kim Jongin was in search of a better life. His search began with Park Chanyeol. A story told in four acts. [MAFIA!AU - CHANKAI, CHENBAEK, SULAY, KRISHAN]
> 
> [Bound by Silver](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23604130/chapters/56642974): Master had three simple rules for Wolf to follow. The first was to never go beyond the fence. The second was to never speak to lodgers. The third was to never respond to the howl of the Mountain Spirits that could be heard on nights of the full moon. [WOLF!AU - SEKAI, BAEKYEOL, LAYHAN]
> 
> [Two Minutes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24045196/chapters/57859369): Jongin was born just two minutes after Kai. It took him a long time to realize he didn’t need to spend the rest of his life trying to catch up. [TWINS!AU - CHANKAI, SEKAI]


	2. Beginnings

“Does it hurt?”

Yixing looked up from where he was injecting his medication, a little caught off guard by the way Junmyeon was staring at him from the hallway into the bathroom.

“No,” he said. “Well, a little. But I’m used to it.”

Junmyeon was still in his pajamas, hair askew from sleep. It was honestly surprising the older man was awake given how exhausted he’d been the night before. Thinking the older man would still be knocked out cold was the only reason Yixing hadn’t bothered to close the bathroom door all the way in the first place. 

Last night, Junmyeon had only stuck around for about fifteen minutes at the cast party celebrating the end of Dopyeong Playhouse’s run of _The Glass Menagerie_ , leaving after he ordered and paid for soju for everyone’s tables. The servers were just bringing it out as the two of them were on their way to the car, Junmyeon looking noticeably pale.

Now Junmeyon stopped staring and instead averted his gaze, the discomfort in his stance growing. Yixing turned away, not quite knowing what to make of the scene. Sometimes Junmyeon was very easy to read and other times it was impossible to tell what was on his mind. But he knew that with time Junmyeon would say whatever it was. He just needed to be patient.

“Yixing?”

“Yes?”

“I uh… I have to use the toilet. Is that ok?” Yixing struggled a bit to hold back his laughter, but Junmyeon’s revelation did let him relax a little bit. Dozens of other far worse scenarios left his mind. 

“Of course it’s ok. I’m just finishing up.” Yixing quickly put away his things and exited. He glanced behind him, eyes lingering as Junmyeon hurried into the bathroom and sighed to himself once the door was shut, his momentary loss of concern ending in the newfound silence.

He shouldn’t be worried. He tried to convince himself that he wasn’t but knew it was a lie. Truthfully he was still processing all Junmyeon had revealed about himself the previous weekend, everything about his former partner and his history with addiction. It all seemed so impossible, yet it wasn’t. It’s not like the new information made him think any less of Junmyeon. Quite the opposite, he thought he was just that much stronger for overcoming it all. 

_Inadequate_. That was the word swimming in his thoughts as he headed downstairs to get breakfast. He felt inadequate. And he felt angry, angry about all that had happened to Junmyeon. But the man who had done all those things was in prison and Junmyeon was out and about, working, and doing well. Now was the time to move forward and he didn’t want Junmyeon to regret opening up to him or agreeing to be with him.

Eventually Junmyeon also came downstairs, his nightshirt sleeves rolled up to reveal bony wrists, face and fringe damp like he’d splashed himself with water. When opening the fridge he ignored all the food and only grabbed the milk and some cereal from the pantry. Cocoa Puffs. 

“Is that all you’re eating? It’s going to be a long day,” Yixing found himself saying. This afternoon was a special day for the cast and crew to strike the set. He would be accompanying Junmyeon both to help and to get a good look at his workplace.

“I know. But I went to sleep thinking about Cocoa Puffs… so I have to have it.” 

Junmyeon was nowhere near as gaunt in the face as he used to be. He was never inadvertently starving himself anymore. It was all the stress, probably, that still kept him under his target weight. The constant underlying stress of going out into the world everyday. Nonetheless, cereal for breakfast wasn’t a crime. He really was worrying too much. 

“I’m excited for you to come to the theater today. I’ve been looking forward to it all week,” Junmyeon then said sheepishly, taking Yixing by surprise.

“You… you have?”

“Yes. That’s not strange, is it?”

“No! No, it’s not strange. It makes me happy.” Junmyeon smiled, one of his genuine ones.

“I’m glad.”

Yixing had been the one who had gone out of his way to assure Junmyeon that nothing major needed to change about their relationship, hoping to not make him feel burdened or closed in. Yet here he was now worrying while Junmyeon sat with his shoulders relaxed, eating Cocoa Puffs at the moment like he didn’t have a care in the world. 

This was supposed to be the type of partnership that worked for the both of them, one where they wouldn’t have to be forced or coerced into doing things that didn’t come naturally to them. Junmyeon had held his hand, looked straight into his eyes, and accepted him. With that had come all of his trust. Maybe that was really what had been making him feel so off or like an imposter of sorts, the weight of Junmyeon’s trust in him. That and his own inadequacy.

Yixing looked up when a bowl of cereal nudged its way through his partially finished and largely abandoned breakfast dishes. Across from him, Junmyeon made an unconvincing act of concentratedly eating his own cereal. 

“Really sly, _Junmian_ ,” he said. Junmyeon shrugged. 

“It will cheer you up. Also, Jongdae never liked cereal but I thought maybe you would… from time to time… like after you have to take those painful shots… even if you’re used to it.”

So he was still thinking about _that_. 

Yixing nudged Junmyeon’s ankle under the table playfully then began eating, singing praises about the life changing Cocoa Puffs. He didn’t realize it right away but it did make him feel lighter, the good energy created over their simple breakfast making his earlier thoughts seem absurd. This was only the beginning, after all. Whatever worked for them they’d gradually find out together. This was still Kim Junmyeon, his dear friend who trusted him with all that he was. Maybe Yixing was a few steps behind on that front. Perhaps Junmyeon, silently insightful in the oddest ways, already knew.

Afterwards when Junmyeon was by the sink having volunteered to take care of the dishes, Yixing came up beside him.

“Thanks,” Yixing said quietly, “I’m all cheered up.” Junmyeon nodded in approval.

“I’m so excited for today. It will be a good one, Yixing, just you wait. There will be pizza. I made sure weeks ago that there was room for it in the budget because I know the kids will like pizza. We never got pizza at the ballet…” Yixing kept standing by his side, nodding along as he rambled a fountain of continuous thought, water from the sink occasionally splashing everywhere. 

That night by the time Yixing had returned to his own apartment in preparation for another week at his dance company, he could only agree that Junmyeon had been right. It had certainly been a good day.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OTHER STORIES BY UNUSUAL_TABLE
> 
> [Ghost Light](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24366250/chapters/58764295): After Junmyeon’s life falls apart, he retreats to his family’s small home near Daegu. Sequestered in his little house on the hill, he soon finds himself acquainted with an odd mailman named Zhang Yixing. [THEATRE!AU - SULAY]
> 
> [With Love, From Seoul](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23371987/chapters/55999948): Kim Jongin was in search of a better life. His search began with Park Chanyeol. A story told in four acts. [MAFIA!AU - CHANKAI, CHENBAEK, SULAY, KRISHAN]
> 
> [Bound by Silver](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23604130/chapters/56642974): Master had three simple rules for Wolf to follow. The first was to never go beyond the fence. The second was to never speak to lodgers. The third was to never respond to the howl of the Mountain Spirits that could be heard on nights of the full moon. [WOLF!AU - SEKAI, BAEKYEOL, LAYHAN]
> 
> [Two Minutes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24045196/chapters/57859369): Jongin was born just two minutes after Kai. It took him a long time to realize he didn’t need to spend the rest of his life trying to catch up. [TWINS!AU - CHANKAI, SEKAI]


	3. Memories - Concept

There’s no reason to think that Daegu’s small spattering of gay bars would attract every man of that description in the wider surrounding area to them on any given Saturday night. Yixing knew this but still showed up at Chanyeol’s place just as Chanyeol was squeezing his long legs into tight leather pants. 

Yixing had made an attempt to be stylish himself, switching out his long padded coat for a short padded coat, still keeping his usual scarf and beanie. But he wasn’t the nightlife type and by the time he discarded his outerwear, Chanyeol looked up and down his cream sweater and old jeans ensemble like he was the walking embodiment of an abandoned dog commercial. It probably only made the long hug Chanyeol gave him next that much warmer but Chanyeol always gave the best hugs regardless.

“And just what has _really_ brought my favorite little sheep out for a night on the town?” Chanyeol asked, ruffling his hair in their continued embrace. Yixing inhaled deeply, the scent of cologne coming off his friend familiar, but turned his head slightly so that his words wouldn’t be completely muffled by Chanyeol’s shirt. 

“I need to dance,” he said, “and if I happen to see Junmyeon then that’s fine too.”

Over the past couple weeks, Yixing managed to have short conversations with all the old ladies out towards the end of his route who doted on him. 

_“He seduced Sungmi’s son!”_ one of them said. _“He abandoned his hardworking parents!”_ said another. _“He was in a bad way at their funeral, unrecognizable! A disgrace!”_ Even one of their husbands had chimed in with, _“Sungmi’s boy should take him right back to that hospital for the confused, instead he’s bringing all that energy home to his poor wife. It’s bad luck for the neighborhood. Bad luck!”_

So maybe he had grown to pity Junmyeon. Maybe he was sticking his nose into a place where he had no right to. He was just a mailman, after all, yet here he was trying to get a pulse on neighborhood gossip passed around by middle aged women who had nothing else better to do. If anything, Junmyeon's doorbell suddenly not working should give him a hint. But the thought of him being lonely and gossiped about all the time left him sour about the whole situation. Everyone needed a friend, didn’t they?

"Country gays don't come downtown to party. But maybe I can get you crushing on a boy more your speed, hm?"

"I already said it's not a crush or anything. I'm just curious. Maybe a little worried," he said, sighing as Chanyeol rocked them back and forth. 

"If you _insist…_ then I'll take your word for it." Chanyeol gave him a quick kiss on the cheek before heading over to the corner of his loft that served as the kitchen. "Let's get some drinks in us before we head out."

Chanyeol took him to Dragonfly, his favorite club which was really more of a bigger-than-you'd-expect bar that brought in a live DJ on the weekends and a cozy little dance floor that kept things relatively tame. It was far away enough from the local colleges but close enough to primary metro stops that it was guaranteed to fill up with men old enough to know how to file their own taxes... or had at least thought about it. They grabbed a booth and Yixing ordered nachos and water to sober up a bit much to Chanyeol's dismay.

"You just look so cute with your little red cheeks and your big comfy sweater," he whined, squeezing and shaking Yixing's face back and forth. Yixing didn't stop him, enjoying Chanyeol's warm touch. Working a mail route kept him isolated most days which left him exhausted and craving to cuddle with someone until he fell asleep. Chanyeol would sometimes let him crash at his place, happy to indulge and return the affection, his loft a bit chilly but filled with the smell of clay since it doubled as his private art studio. Yixing had grown to find the smell soothing. 

Yixing munched on the nachos and let his eyes wander around the crowded bar. He had only seen Junmyeon once and had been so mortified by his sudden nose bleed that he hadn't really taken the time to observe the man's face. He remembered the most clearly how soft his voice was and the hand that had given him the tissues. But his face… it had been almost white or else his black hair wouldn't have been such a stark contrast. It was a thin face, wasn’t it? Which made sense if it was said that he'd been unrecognizable to his neighbors. Maybe he was sick. Of course, if that were true then he certainly wouldn't be at a club. He should've thought this through better.

After Chanyeol convinced him to take one shot they moved to the dance floor. On the way, Yixing saw someone from the back who could’ve looked a bit like Junmyeon but upon closer inspection was just another stranger. He let the music vibrate through his body, liking the protective bubble his friend made by draping himself over his back and wrapping his arms around his hips. It was all very simple dancing but it was dancing and if he were properly drunk he probably would’ve started to cry just thinking about it. As it was, he was only tipsy which translated to more of a barely stumbling melancholy. Three hours, two beers, and four shots later however, he did start to sniffle as Chanyeol closed out their tab and helped wrap him up into his puffy coat. 

“Noooo,” he said once he realized they were leaving. “If we leave I’m never gonna dance again, Yeollie. Never gonna dance…”

“You’ll dance just fine, Xingxing. You’ll dance for everyone! For Junmyeon! For the Queen of England!”

“Noooo… that’s stupid. You’re stupid. I’m… I’m stupid. I-I’m a fool!” he cried, not liking how cold his tears quickly became on his face.

Back at Chanyeol’s loft, Chanyeol passed out quickly, spread out like a starfish on his bed. Yixing slowly maneuvered the taller man under the covers before shuffling over to the kitchen, flinging open the cabinets. 

“Cookies,” he mumbled to himself holding a box of mix he’d found in his hands. “I should make cookies for Junmyeon.” He wiped his tears and shuffled back to Chanyeol’s bed, mix cradled in his arms, hiccuping as he comfortably pressed himself into Chanyeol’s side. 

The morning. 

Maybe he’d make cookies in the morning.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OTHER STORIES BY UNUSUAL_TABLE
> 
> [Ghost Light](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24366250/chapters/58764295): After Junmyeon’s life falls apart, he retreats to his family’s small home near Daegu. Sequestered in his little house on the hill, he soon finds himself acquainted with an odd mailman named Zhang Yixing. [THEATRE!AU - SULAY]
> 
> [With Love, From Seoul](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23371987/chapters/55999948): Kim Jongin was in search of a better life. His search began with Park Chanyeol. A story told in four acts. [MAFIA!AU - CHANKAI, CHENBAEK, SULAY, KRISHAN]
> 
> [Bound by Silver](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23604130/chapters/56642974): Master had three simple rules for Wolf to follow. The first was to never go beyond the fence. The second was to never speak to lodgers. The third was to never respond to the howl of the Mountain Spirits that could be heard on nights of the full moon. [WOLF!AU - SEKAI, BAEKYEOL, LAYHAN]
> 
> [Two Minutes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24045196/chapters/57859369): Jongin was born just two minutes after Kai. It took him a long time to realize he didn’t need to spend the rest of his life trying to catch up. [TWINS!AU - CHANKAI, SEKAI]


	4. Of Ponds and Parks

Yixing loved summer, loved the heat and the warm rains and wildlife dozing beneath the sun or in the shade. And just like all the other years he’d spent in Daegu, he’d taken his annual weekend trip with Chanyeol to Ulsan while Junmyeon dove back into the thick of his productions again. He sent the man plenty of photos though, first of the shops and the shoreline until Chanyeol took things into his own hands and encouraged some vanity.

_ “You have a dancer’s body, show it off!” _ he’d insisted, holding up his phone.

_ “He doesn’t care about that, Yeollie,” _ he’d complained but smiled at the lens anyway through gritted teeth. Junmyeon liked the photos saying he looked very comfortable in the warm sun. 

But now it was the middle of August which meant the dance center was hosting its summer intensive. It began as always with a showcase performance from the professional company and would end with a combined showcase bringing in the various middle school, high school, and college students who would participate in the month-long program. It made his schedule a bit odd, his usual rhythm of technique classes and rehearsals now including young observers and sometimes very last minute notifications that he’d been called to help demonstrate something.

Prior to his injury he’d been a principal dancer but had since been demoted to just  _ dancer _ . He didn’t mind. Perhaps for next season he’d move up assistant principal but that meant this year he got brought to the front of far more young students than he was used to while the principal and assistant principal dancers were already starting on learning the choreography for the company’s next show. So given everything else going on, he was happy to be informed that he’d be getting a Friday afternoon off. Junmyeon was happy to hear it too.

“Hey Yixing!” he heard Hyukjae, one of the other dancers, call out to him as he was leaving the trainer’s room. “I think a friend of yours is in the lobby!”

“Thanks!” he called back. 

As expected, it was Junmyeon who was waiting for him looking a bit lost with all the kids scurrying about. All different levels of dancers were using the lobby to mill around for their lunch break, many of them talking loudly and animatedly, many more still stretching and practicing the things they’d just learned using the backs of couches to balance themselves. Yixing waved to catch his attention but Junmyeon ultimately didn’t notice him until he was only a few paces away. Junmyeon instantly looked relieved. 

“I thought I’d come to the wrong place,” he said. 

It was Junmyeon’s first time coming here and it was much different than the Dopyeong Playhouse most notably in its immense size. The building housed all sorts of arts programs and spaces, built right on the edge of Duryu Park which was where the two of them were headed now. 

“It’s always a little crazy around here this time of year. Were you waiting for very long? Hyukjae made it sound like he ran into you.” Maybe Junmyeon was thrown off by the introduction of a new name but he quickly connected the dots.

“Oh. Yes. One man came up to me. He said he knew you. I guess I look really out of place, huh?” Yixing didn’t have the heart to tell him that showing up dressed like he was about to go fishing would make him stand out  _ anywhere _ in this part of town. 

“Maybe it was the hat,” he said instead with a shrug. It was a wide-rimmed, floppy thing with a strap dangling below Junmyeon’s chin.

“This was my father’s fishing hat. It’s good for sun protection and very comfortable,” Junmyeon said proudly, pulling the bag he’d brought over his shoulder. Yixing eyed Junmyeon’s gloved hands clenched tightly around the strap but once they were out of the building and further into the park they relaxed a bit. 

For a Friday afternoon, the park wasn’t terribly crowded and it was easy for them to find a nice spot to settle down within sight of a small pond but far enough away that the group of kids currently splashing around on the edge of it wouldn’t be a bother. Junmeyon quickly got to work laying out a blanket, two simple bags of food from a convenience store placed on top.

“You’re the best,” Yixing said gratefully, ripping open one of the sandwiches. Junmyeon only hummed in response, sitting with his legs folded all the way in the corner of the blanket near the base of the tree they were under. “Not hungry yet?” he asked when Junmyeon made no move to reach for his bag. 

“Maybe later. I’d just like to sit for a bit first.”

“Are you sure?” Junmyeon nodded, his gaze wandering up into the tree branches. 

“I brought food for you, the birds, and the fish… mainly. I like doing that sort of thing.” 

Yixing watched Junmyeon pull a bit on his sleeves. The long, dark green fabric had ridden up a bit to expose Junmyeon’s pale wrists but were now hooked firmly down by his gloved fingers. It fit loose on his body, as did his pants, as did everything Yixing had ever seen him wear. For some reason he had expected Junmyeon’s wardrobe to change in the summer months. The sweaters and turtlenecks, he supposed, were put away at the very least. Yet no matter how hot it got, the long sleeved polo shirts were here to stay. What was important was that Junmyeon was comfortable however it would be a lie to say Yixing hadn’t ever wondered if Junmyeon had ever had issues with heatstroke. 

“It has been such a beautiful summer. One of the instructors even let her class dance outside yesterday. I got to demonstrate for them. The breeze was just right,” Yixing said after finishing the first half of the sandwich and taking a big gulp of juice. 

“They are lucky to have you,” Junmyeon said, fingers coming up to perhaps wipe some perspiration from where his forehead was closed in by his hat. “I wish I could dance.” 

To Yixing, those were the magic words, ones he’d heard countless times from friends and strangers alike, words that made him want to dump an absurd amount of information about how dancing was for everyone no matter the skill level. With Junmyeon, the urge was even stronger.

“Anyone can dance! I can give you a lesson anytime you want. I can even teach you to dance to your favorite idol songs!” Junmyeon blushed but Yixing couldn’t tell if it was from his words or the heat. 

“I wouldn’t want to waste your time.”

“Well there’s a dance instructor I know who runs his own studio sort of out in your direction. They have adult classes for all types of dance. Didn’t you say you were looking to get into something for when the summer theater season ends?” Yixing tried not to get too excited, not to push too hard, but since he personally found dance to be so therapeutic the thought of Junmyeon giving it a try made him very happy. Yunho would be the perfect teacher since most in his adult classes were first timers looking to try out something new. 

“I was,” Junmyeon said, seeming to hesitate. “But today Baekhyun suggested I might join a… support group of sorts. I haven’t told Jongdae about it yet.” That was something Yixing was not expecting to hear. 

“Oh? Where would it be?” he asked, hoping it came across as curiosity and not worry.

“This… community center. I guess. I haven’t looked up the address yet.” Junmyeon fished out his wallet and took out a small piece of paper. “This is the card. They do meetings but they also have a book club, a crafts club, a bowling team, and a baseball team. I was surprised there were so many people in Daegu with… this sort of issue,” he said, voice tapering off at the end, thoughts taking that telltale spiral inward. 

“That sounds nice. Do you think it would be beneficial?”

“I don’t know.”

“We could try to come up with a list of pros and cons?” Junmyeon’s brow twitched and he sighed. 

“I don’t like to think about it, Yixing. I don’t want to put myself in front of people who would make me think of those things. There's just something that seems really messed up about it.” Yixing fought his urge to scoot closer to him.

“Hey, it’s ok. Baekhyun just wanted you to have the information, right?” Junmyeon put the card away, the tension in his jaw releasing.

“Yes. Sort of. I’m sorry. He suggested it because… I’ve been having a hard time. A really hard time… lately.” Yixing closed his eyes against a gentle breeze that occurred then, heart sinking further at Junmyeon’s words. “When you were in Ulsan… Jongdae was away too. It got in my head that no one would  _ have _ to know, and since you were both far away maybe I’d feel less guilty about it and I could stop by the time you got back. Because I still  _ want _ . All the time. I still  _ want _ . Not just the alcohol. Everything. Even right now, at this minute. Even though I know it’s wrong. Even though I know I shouldn’t. Even though I’m happy right now sitting here with you. Is it never going to go away? Am I always going to be like this? I feel like I’m living a lie. I feel like I’m one rough day away from…” Again, Junmyeon’s voice tapered off. This time Yixing did move towards him a little, watching Junmyeon’s body language as he did so.

“That’s an answer I don’t have, Jun. But in that group, people will know what it’s like. That’s something that me or Jongdae or even Baekhyun can’t truly give you.” Instead of on his face, Junmyeon seemed to fix his eyes on his shoulder and for some reason it made him feel oddly exposed in his shorts and tank top. 

“I’m sorry, Yixing. I made it all the way to the pub. I walked so… so I wouldn’t ruin my bike after. I made it all the way to the pub. It was a long walk. But I told the man there not to sell me anything. That I just wanted to sit. He gave me some water then… he tried to help me leave. I couldn’t leave on my own. I yelled at him. Begged him to sell me something. I threw my money at him. I don’t know what came over me. The police picked me up. They decided not to fine me. Once I calmed down, I got a sleeping aid from the store. Just the type you can find in any place. I’ve been using them every night all month as soon as I get home. I’m afraid to be alone with myself.” A small group of kids ran by, shooting each other with water guns.

“You should still be proud of yourself. Look at where you are. It’s August. You’ve been back in Daegu now for a year. You’ve been sober for a year. That’s something to celebrate.” Junmyeon shook his head.

“Five months. It’s barely been five months. Since Hyejin was born, nothing has happened. If something did, I… I don’t think I could let myself see her again. Or Jongdae. Or-”

“Stop,” Yixing said, cutting him off. “Don’t say what you were about to say. Please.” 

Junmyeon’s gaze went from his shoulder to his forehead to his hand which he then reached for. Yixing didn’t realize until the thin textured cloth brushed against his palm how upset this conversation had been making him. Like this, Junmyeon held his hand for a long time. 

A curious bird landed nearby though, looking with interest at what remained of Yixing’s lunch. Junmyeon quickly let go of his hand then, reaching back into his bag for a container of bird food, tossing some towards the small creature. Now that Yixing was calmer, he could see how doing this made the tension from Junmyeon unwind as well. When a few more birds came, Yixing joined in.

“I just want to be a safe person to be around, Yixing. I don’t want to put you through what I put Jongdae through. It wasn’t right of me. Still, just now I got a bit carried away with my words. One hundred and thirty-two days might not be a year, but it’s the longest I’ve lasted in a decade. It takes me a while sometimes to invert my perspective like that but it’s something I’m working on.” Yixing smiled.

“I’m proud of you too. Never think for a second that I’m not. I’m also thankful you shared what happened with me.”

“And I’ll think more about that support group. It could be good to get out more.”

“I’d love to see you hit a home run,” he said, remembering the mention of the baseball team. Junmyeon laughed.

“I have absolutely no athletic ability. You’d only see me strike out.”

“I would cheer you on either way.” 

Junmyeon removed his gloves then and Yixing noticed how his hands did tremble a little as he finally took out his own sandwich to eat. While he did so, Yixing put on some more sunscreen and continued their lazy conversation about Star Wars, the franchise they were slowly experiencing together. Because of both of their crazy schedules, it would be another week before they could continue their rhythm of sleeping over at each other’s places, the very thing that made it so Junmyeon  _ wouldn’t _ have to be alone with himself to battle certain thoughts. Just a week more. Later by the pond, tossing food to the ducks and fish, Junmyeon echoed the same thought.

“Just a week more,” he said. “I have the tools to succeed. I  _ have _ the tools to succeed.” 

When it came time for them to part once again, Yixing watched Junmyeon brace his feet against the ground the way he always did before Yixing found himself wrapped in a firm and sure hug that always managed to pleasantly submerge him into the small and strange yet wonderful world that existed between them. Though when it ended, as always, Junmyeon couldn’t look him in the face. 

“May the Force be with you!” Junmyeon blurted out then, his pale skin taking on that familiar blush even before he’d opened his mouth. 

“And I’ll see you at the Batcave!” called after his form that was quickly scurrying away to his bike. In that moment, Yixing’s heart was settled and sure.

Just one week more.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OTHER STORIES BY UNUSUAL_TABLE
> 
> [Ghost Light](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24366250/chapters/58764295): After Junmyeon’s life falls apart, he retreats to his family’s small home near Daegu. Sequestered in his little house on the hill, he soon finds himself acquainted with an odd mailman named Zhang Yixing. [THEATRE!AU - SULAY]
> 
> [With Love, From Seoul](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23371987/chapters/55999948): Kim Jongin was in search of a better life. His search began with Park Chanyeol. A story told in four acts. [MAFIA!AU - CHANKAI, CHENBAEK, SULAY, KRISHAN]
> 
> [Bound by Silver](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23604130/chapters/56642974): Master had three simple rules for Wolf to follow. The first was to never go beyond the fence. The second was to never speak to lodgers. The third was to never respond to the howl of the Mountain Spirits that could be heard on nights of the full moon. [WOLF!AU - SEKAI, BAEKYEOL, LAYHAN]
> 
> [Two Minutes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24045196/chapters/57859369): Jongin was born just two minutes after Kai. It took him a long time to realize he didn’t need to spend the rest of his life trying to catch up. [TWINS!AU - CHANKAI, SEKAI]


	5. Memories - Design

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two drabbles for you in one day! If you think you missed the one previous, head back one chapter. ^_^

_ “I used to stage manage for a ballet company…” _

Yixing gripped his hands on the steering wheel, his car engine stuttering a bit when he next pressed on the gas as the light ahead turned green. A quick pass with his hand over where the heat should’ve been coming from to warm up his car and he sighed when once again it seemed to be a bit wonky. He’d need to have Chanyeol look at it again.

“ _ … the Seoul Ballet Theatre.” _

His mind wandered to days long gone, probably when the car he drove now was brand new in a Daegu that looked different from the one that existed now, the Daegu that Junmyeon probably graduated high school from. The thought prompted him to glance at the bags of leftover food piled in his passenger seat. 

Kim Junmyeon didn’t seem like someone who was very used to having anyone over for dinner and it did not escape his notice just how empty and quiet the house was. At least he’d had company over Christmas, company that perhaps didn’t make him so nervous he didn’t know what to do with his hands or where to look with his eyes. 

Despite what Junmyeon had told him, he still found it hard to imagine him amongst the costumes and chaos of a professional ballet company. Yixing had seen his fair share of show management team members who were not shy to resort to shouting over everyone to keep things on track. Meanwhile Junmyeon was sometimes hard to hear just sitting across from him.

When stepping into his apartment, Yixing paused a moment listing to the faint sound of outside traffic. Maybe that’s why Junmyeon’s house had seemed to eerily quiet. He was all the way out at the edge of the woods. He quickly went over to turn on the heater, sitting down next to it on the floor below a display of his house plants. He looked up at the pictures along the wall, to one specifically where a young Sicheng was looking up at the camera a bit annoyed, a damaged ballet shoe in hand. A recital day. 

Yixing shrugged off his heavy coat and bent right away into a gentle stretch, flexing his toes, until he was doing little more than laying flat on the floor. 

He let his happiest memories flow through him, turning each page in his head, the good days and the tough days. 

_ “I used to stage manage for a ballet company… the Seoul Ballet Theatre,”  _ Junmyeon’s voice replayed in his head again.

_ “What made you stop?” _

_ “Circumstances.” _

Yixing let himself sink into a memory he always tried not to revisit, the day of Sicheng’s funeral. It had been such a nice day, the type of day the two of them would take their time walking from one place to the next, loitering outside the studio building to catch some final rays of sunshine. He felt the bitterness settle deep in his throat and the telltale twinge in his waist when he pushed himself to stretch again. The silence of Junmyeon’s house. The chill of his apartment. 

His moods had been increasingly erratic ever since he was released from his dance contract to seek treatment for his injury, moods that Chanyeol didn’t quite understand but put up with as much as anyone could be asked to put up with it. But by now Yixing knew when he was nosediving and it was happening now, very quickly.

Yixing got up and put all the food away, his feet dragging as he did so. It had been a long day, that was all. Not even a bad day, just a long one. He turned on a record, one Chanyeol had gifted him, and sat properly on the couch.

Now it wasn’t so quiet. 


	6. Finding Space

Yixing sat up in his bed blinking slowly at the closed curtains in front of him. In his hands he let his phone alarm blare for another few moments before his thumbs worked enough to shut it off, plunging the room into silence. He yawned and rubbed at his eyes. 

_ 5:00 AM. Monday, September 16th _ his phone showed him.  _ Cloudy, 83% chance of rain. _

He held himself and rolled his neck, pointed his toes. Tripping out of bed, he pulled back a curtain. The streets were still dark and dry, but it was early. Hopefully the rain would wait until he got to the studio.

It was still a sight he wasn’t used to, emerging from his bedroom to see Junmyeon curled up on the couch. He walked across to the bathroom quietly and turned on the lights in there only after the bathroom door was completely shut. It was only when he was just finishing up washing his hair that he remembered he’d forgotten to make his breakfast smoothie the night before. Sagging a little bit in defeat, he contemplated if he should skip breakfast entirely, eat something that wouldn’t require turning on a blender and waking up Junmyeon, or stopping at a cafe on the way in to work. With the dreary day ahead, he didn't fancy leaving his apartment at all considering what the company was doing today. 

It was only once he got out of the shower and was brushing his teeth that he noticed a sticky note on the door:

_ “I noticed you didn’t make your smoothie so I tried to replicate what you usually do. It might not taste good. I’ll definitely buy you more fruit to make up for it!”  _

Yixing felt some of the tension release from his shoulders at the words, a familiar sense of fondness spreading warmth through his chest. When opening the refrigerator not long after, he saw what Junmyeon prepared completely with another note with a smiley face stuck to the shrink wrapped glass. He almost sent the thing splashing all over the floor though when he turned around to see Junmyeon looking at him from the couch, hair and clothes in disarray but seeming oddly alert anyway.

“Shit! You’re going to give me a heart attack like that, Jun!” Yixing said, the elder squinting when he flicked on the overhead kitchen light. “What are you doing up, anyway?” 

“I just wanted to make sure your breakfast was ok.”

Yixing’s heart rate steered its way back to normal and he laughed, pushing his damp hair away from his forehead. Junmyeon pulled the blanket he used up with him as he shuffled to sit down opposite Yixing at the table, a look of anticipation on his face. Yixing took a sip then pretended to think like he was contemplating what to say but soon gave in. He liked to tease Junmyeon but not too much.

“It’s perfect. Thank you for doing this for me. I didn’t realize until I was in the shower that I’d forgotten. I was so tired last night…” 

“I know. Are you feeling better now?” Yixing sighed as he began to hear the sound of rain pattering lightly on the roof which meant outside it must be well on its way to a sudden downpour. 

“Yes and no. Signups for those evaluations I told you about are today and I’m really just dreading the whole process.”

They’d had this conversation before, Junmyeon choosing to take a more optimistic angle on the situation than Yixing had been willing to entertain. The artistic staff at the company were people Yixing knew well at this point. Like Junmyeon had said, he knew they would all look objectively at his improvement in dance or lack thereof. It’s precisely what made him want to avoid this whole process, the one he feared would end in not regaining his principal dancer position, the one he’d tried to convince himself he didn’t need… that as long as he was dancing, he’d be happy. Even in his own mind he sounded silly but with the next season’s castings still months away, these evaluations would be the first official indicator he’d get pertaining to how he’s been performing since coming back from his surgery. 

“I still think you’re selling yourself short…” Junmyeon began but steered away from reopening what had been a minor argument, “but I’ll have a surprise for you once you come back home today. Something sweet. Now you have something to look forward to.”

Yixing blinked, eyes narrowing at Junmyeon as he downed the rest of his smoothie.

“If you say so,” he grumbled, blushing a bit when Junmyeon patted him on the shoulder on his way back over to the couch. 

Things had gotten better in Junmyeon’s world since the stress of mid-August. The summer season at Dopyeong Playhouse was wrapping up with just one smaller scale student piece being put on. He’d begun going to a support group for the past couple weeks too that he hadn’t spoken much about but didn’t seem to dislike. He’d also been going out of his way more to touch Yixing now, however briefly, and Yixing knew enough to recognize how big of a deal that was. 

With Junmyeon awake, Yixing decided to go through his home stretching routine out in the living area where Junmyeon had turned on an early morning cartoon program. Compared to Chanyeol who would always find the darkest dramas to watch, Yixing enjoyed how content Junmyeon was with cartoons and variety shows. The levity of it helped soothe a bit of his off mood. 

Legs extended to either side of him and chest coming down to meet the floor, Yixing let his gaze fall on the open door to his still dark bedroom where his day had begun. He eventually twisted the opposite direction seeing Junmyeon still on the couch now with his blanket neatly folded and stacked military style with his pillow. 

That was the one downside, Yixing couldn’t help but think, about Junmyeon spending so many nights here. Junmyeon had a habit of curling himself up when he slept and from Yixing’s view the couch didn’t seem like a comfortable place to sleep so much. It had crossed his mind so many times to invite his… partner… into his own bed but Junmeyon seemed content where he was nonetheless and Yixing didn’t want to put any pressure on him by introducing the idea. 

There used to be many cozy nights Yixing would spend in Chanyeol’s bed or Chanyeol in his, but he’d stopped all of that months ago even though Junmyeon never told him to or had a problem with his affectionate friendship with Chanyeol. It left him craving for touch, craving for closeness which nowadays outside of stressful choreography only came with the warm embrace of a hot shower. It made waking up alone all the time that much more impactful and likely the reason he was also waking up irritated more often than not. It wasn’t Junmyeon’s fault. It was just something that was difficult to get used to, something he knew Junmyeon was aware of and was doing the best on his end so that eventually they could meet somewhere in the middle. 

By the time he was finished stretching, Junmyeon had nodded off again where he sat. Yixing took the previously folded blanket and draped it back over Junmyeon’s body, taking a seat next to the opposite armrest. With it raining so hard, he had no reason to carry out his usual morning jog and the thought of arriving at a dark and empty studio on his own right now wasn’t appealing. He’d practiced enough. He’d trained enough. Today would be fine. It was just signups, after all.

He turned the TV off and let himself relax, hesitantly moving from the opposite end of the couch as Junmyeon to the center cushion. He pulled the sticky notes Junmyeon had left for him out of the pocket of his hoodie, looking at them fondly while running over movements in his mind. 

When he eventually did leave the apartment, the rain had stopped.

**Author's Note:**

> OTHER STORIES BY UNUSUAL_TABLE
> 
> [Ghost Light](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24366250/chapters/58764295): After Junmyeon’s life falls apart, he retreats to his family’s small home near Daegu. Sequestered in his little house on the hill, he soon finds himself acquainted with an odd mailman named Zhang Yixing. [THEATRE!AU - SULAY]
> 
> [With Love, From Seoul](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23371987/chapters/55999948): Kim Jongin was in search of a better life. His search began with Park Chanyeol. A story told in four acts. [MAFIA!AU - CHANKAI, CHENBAEK, SULAY, KRISHAN]
> 
> [Bound by Silver](https://archiveofourown.org/works/23604130/chapters/56642974): Master had three simple rules for Wolf to follow. The first was to never go beyond the fence. The second was to never speak to lodgers. The third was to never respond to the howl of the Mountain Spirits that could be heard on nights of the full moon. [WOLF!AU - SEKAI, BAEKYEOL, LAYHAN]
> 
> [Two Minutes](https://archiveofourown.org/works/24045196/chapters/57859369): Jongin was born just two minutes after Kai. It took him a long time to realize he didn’t need to spend the rest of his life trying to catch up. [TWINS!AU - CHANKAI, SEKAI]


End file.
